June 26, 2013

Separate the People from the Problem: Emotion [ARR]



Annie's Reading Room

Last week, we reviewed some strategies to mitigate challenges that may be associated with perception when separating the people from the problem. This week we move onwards to emotion, an inevitable component of interacting with another human, but one that can make negotiation quite tricky.

Emotion
People often come to a negotiation realizing that the stakes are high and feeling threatened. As you probably already know first-hand, emotions on one side will generate emotions on the other.

First recognize and understand emotions, theirs, and yours. “In dealing with negotiators who represent organizations, it is easy to treat them as mere mouthpieces without emotions. It is important to remember that they too, like you, have personal feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams. Their careers may be at stake.” Assess why you and they are producing the expressed emotions.

Separate the People from the Problem:
Emotion
Pay attention to “core concerns.” Many emotions in negotiation are driven by a core set of five interests:
·         Autonomy: the desire to make your own choices and control your own fate
·         Appreciation: the desire to be recognized and valued
·         Affiliation: the desire to be an accepted member of some peer group
·         Role: the desire to have a meaningful purpose
·         Status: the desire to feel fairly seen and acknowledged.

Trampling on these interests tend to generate strong negative emotions. Attending to them can build rapport and a positive climate for problem-solving negotiation.

Consider the role of identity.
“If you feel that you have unexpectedly stepped on a land mine in your conversation, think about whether they might be experiencing a threat to their identity from something you have said. Similarly, if you find yourself feeling off-balance and emotional, ask yourself if your sense of identity feels threatened.”

Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate
. “Freed from the burden of unexpressed emotions, people will become more likely to work on the problem.”

Allow the other side to let off steam
. Although challenging, the best strategy to adopt while the other side lets off steam is to listen quietly without responding to their attacks, and occasionally to ask the speaker to continue until he has spoken his last word. In this way, you offer little support to the inflammatory substance, give the speaker every encouragement to speak himself out, and leave little or no residue to fester.

Don’t react to emotional outbursts
. One approach that was used successfully during 1950’s steel industry labor negotiations, was that only one person could be mad at a time.

Use symbolic gestures
. A meal together, a small gift, a handshake, or an apology (even if you do not admit personal responsibility) can diffuse intense emotions.

Next week we will wrap up this chapter with the most critical element of negotiation: .
Communication

June 19, 2013

Getting to Yes: Separate the People from the Problem: Perception [ARR]


Annie's Reading Room

Negotiators are people first. “Whatever else you are doing at any point during a negotiation, from preparation to follow-up, it is worth asking yourself:  Am I paying enough attention to the people problem?”

Separate the People from the Problem:
Perception
Every negotiator has two kinds of interests: in the substance and in the relationship.
In most negotiations, the ongoing relationship is far more important than the outcome of any particular negotiation. The problem is, “a major consequence of the “people problem” in negotiation is that the parties’ relationship tends to become entangled with their discussions of substance.”

 “Deal with people problems by changing how you treat people; don’t try to solve them with substantiative concerns….To deal with psychological problems, use psychological techniques.”

The people problems all fall into one of three baskets: Perception, Emotion, and Communication. “The techniques that follow apply equally well to your [self] people problems as well as to those of the other side.”

Perception
-“Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you solve your problem. Their thinking is the problem. “
-“As useful as objective reality can be, it is ultimately the reality as each side sees it that constitutes the problem in a negotiation and opens the way to a solution.”

Here are some of those psychological techniques that were alluded to above to help you separate the people from the problem:

Put yourself in their shoes.  “It is not enough to know that they see things differently. If you want to influence them, you also need to understand empathically the power of their point of view and to feel the emotional force with which they believe in it. Understanding their point of view is not the same as agreeing with it. It is true that a better understanding of their thinking may lead you to revise your own views about the merits of a situation. But that is not a cost of understanding their point of view, it is a benefit. It allows you to reduce the area of conflict, and it also helps you advance your newly enlightened self-interest.

Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears. “The cost of interpreting whatever they say or do in its most dismal light is that fresh ideas in the direction of agreement are spurned, and subtle changes of position are ignored or rejected.”

Don’t blame them for your problem.  Even if blaming is justified, it is usually counterproductive. Under attack, the other side will become defensive and will resist what you have to say. Assessing blame firmly entangles the people with the problem.

Discuss each other’s perceptions. Have a discussion where you explicitly address perceptions. Don’t underestimate those things that you might deem “unimportant” or irrelevant to the conversation. “To the contrary, communicating loudly and convincingly the things you are willing to say that they would like to hear can be one of the best investments you as a negotiator can make.”

Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with their perceptions. Pretty simple – do something different than what they would expect of you.

Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. If they are not involved in the process, they are unlikely to approve the product. It’s that simple. “Even if the terms of the agreement seem favorable, the other side may reject them simply out of suspicion born of their exclusion from the drafting process. Agreement becomes much easier if both parties feel ownership of the ideas.  To give the other side a feeling of participation, get them involved early. Ask their advice. In a sense, the process IS the product.

Face-saving: Make your proposals consistent with their values.  “Often in a negotiation, people will continue to hold out not because the proposal on the table is inherently unacceptable, but simply because they want to avoid the feeling or the appearance of backing down to the other side. If the substance can be phrased or conceptualized differently so that it seems a fair outcome, they will accept it.

Next week we will continue separating the people from the problem by teasing out emotion and communication.









June 12, 2013

Summer Reading List 2013 [ARR]

Annie's Reading Room

Hi Everyone! I hope you are enjoying the first few weeks of your summer break, or “break” for many of you! As part of Annie’s Reading Room, I read and profile “classic” business books that have stood the test of time. However, below is a list of suggested summer reading – 10 books that that have been published within the last year. I won’t be reading these books for you, but hopefully along with you!


1) Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

Every day we experience the uncertainty, risks, and emotional exposure that define what it means to be vulnerable, or to dare greatly. Whether the arena is a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation, we must find the courage to walk into vulnerability and engage with our whole hearts.

In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown challenges everything we think we know about vulnerability. Based on twelve years of research, she argues that vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage, engagement, and meaningful connection. The book that Dr. Brown’s many fans have been waiting for, Daring Greatly will spark a new spirit of truth—and trust—in our organizations, families, schools, and communities.


2) Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
by Sheryl Sandberg  

Thirty years after women became 50 percent of the college graduates in the United States, men still hold the vast majority of leadership positions in government and industry. This means that women’s voices are still not heard equally in the decisions that most affect our lives. In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg examines why women’s progress in achieving leadership roles has stalled, explains the root causes, and offers compelling, commonsense solutions that can empower women to achieve their full potential. Written with both humor and wisdom, Sandberg’s book is an inspiring call to action and a blueprint for individual growth. Lean In is destined to change the conversation from what women can’t do to what they can.


3) Heart, Smarts, Guts, and Luck: What It Takes to Be an Entrepreneur and Build a Great Business
by Anthony K. Tjan, Richard J. Harrington and Tsun-Yan Hsieh

Do you have what it takes to build a great business?

In this book, three prominent business leaders and entrepreneurs—now venture capitalists and CEO advisers—share the qualities that surface again and again in those who successfully achieve their goals. The common traits? Heart, smarts, guts, and luck.

Though no single archetype for entrepreneurial success exists, this book will help you understand which traits to “dial up” or “dial down” to realize your full potential, and when these traits are most and least helpful (or even detrimental) during critical points of a company lifecycle. Not only will you know how to build a better business faster, you’ll also take your natural leadership style to the next level.


4) The Leadership Challenge: How to Make Extraordinary Things Happen in Organizations by
James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner

For more than 25 years, The Leadership Challenge has been the most trusted source on becoming a better leader, selling more than 2 million copies in over 20 languages since its first publication. Based on Kouzes and Posner's extensive research, this all-new edition casts their enduring work in context for today's world, proving how leadership is a relationship that must be nurtured, and most importantly, that it can be learned.



5) 11 Rules for Creating Value in the Social Era by Nilofer Merchant

In 11 Rules for Creating Value in the Social Era, blogger Nilofer Merchant argues that “social” is much more than “media.” Smart companies are letting social become the backbone of their business models, increasing their speed and flexibility by pursuing openness and fluidity. These organizations don’t operate like the powerful “800-pound gorillas” of yesteryear—but instead act more like a herd of 800 gazelles, moving together across a savannah, outrunning the competition.


6) Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work
by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

In Decisive, the Heaths, based on an exhaustive study of the decision-making literature, introduce a four-step process designed to counteract these biases. Written in an engaging and compulsively readable style, Decisive takes readers on an unforgettable journey, from a rock star’s ingenious decision-making trick to a CEO’s disastrous acquisition, to a single question that can often resolve thorny personal decisions.



7) Lead with a Story: A Guide to Crafting Business Narratives That Captivate, Convince, and Inspire
by Paul Smith  

Storytelling has come of age in the business world. Today, many of the most successful companies use storytelling as a leadership tool. The reason for this is simple: stories have the ability to engage an audience the way logic and bullet points alone never could. Whether you are trying to communicate a vision, sell an idea, or inspire commitment, storytelling is a powerful business tool that can mean the difference between mediocre results and phenomenal success. "Lead with a Story" contains both ready-to-use stories and how-to guidance for readers looking to craft their own.



8) Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success
by Adam M. Grant Ph.D.

Using his own pioneering research as Wharton's youngest tenured professor, Grant shows that these styles have a surprising impact on success. Although some givers get exploited and burn out, the rest achieve extraordinary results across a wide range of industries. Combining cutting-edge evidence with captivating stories, this landmark book shows how one of America's best networkers developed his connections, why the creative genius behind one of the most popular shows in television history toiled for years in anonymity, how a basketball executive responsible for multiple draft busts transformed his franchise into a winner, and how we could have anticipated Enron's demise four years before the company collapsed-without ever looking at a single number.


9) LeaderShift: A Call for Americans to Finally Stand Up and Lead by Orrin Woodward and Oliver DeMille

A most provocative business parable for our troubled times, LeaderShift is the story of how David Mersher, the successful CEO of IndyTech, sets out to discover why the United States is losing its leadership edge and what he can do to turn things around and make America truly great again.


10) Start: Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average and Do Work that Matters
by Jon Acuff 

Over the last 100 years, the road to success for most everyone has been divided into predictable stages. But three things have changed the path to success:
·         Boomers are realizing that a lot of the things they were promised aren’t going to materialize, and they have started second and third careers.
·         Technology has given access to an unprecedented number of people who are building online empires and changing their lives in ways that would have been impossible years ago.
·         The days of “success first, significance later,” have ended.
While none of the stages can be skipped, they can be shortened and accelerated. There are only two paths in life: average and awesome. The average path is easy because all you have to do is nothing. The awesome path is more challenging, because things like fear only bother you when you do work that matters. The good news is Start gives readers practical, actionable insights to be more awesome, more often.

Happy Reading!

June 5, 2013

Chapter 2: Don’t Bargain Over Positions [ARR]


Annie's Reading Room 

The Problem: Don’t Bargain Over Positions

Imagine a customer and purveyor at a flea market “bargaining” over an antique piece priced at $75. The potential customer offers $15, and the two go back and forth with no agreed upon price reached. This is an example of positional bargaining.

Any method of negotiation may be fairly judged by three criteria:
<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         -<!--[endif]-->It should provide a wise agreement if agreement is possible
<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         -<!--[endif]-->It should be efficient
<!--[if !supportLists]-->·         -<!--[endif]-->It should improve or at least not damage the relationship between the parties.

The problem with positional bargaining is that people get locked into their positions. “The more you clarify your position and defend it against attack, the more committed you become to it.”

Don’t Bargain Over Positions
The breakdown of the negotiations between President John F. Kennedy and the Soviet Union regarding nuclear test site inspections could have potentially been avoided if the two parties discussed the definition of “inspection” versus arguing over the number of inspections. The result of not defining this parameter was a superpower arms race that ensued over the next three decades. A wise agreement? Not at all.

As to efficiency, the more extreme the opening positions and the smaller the concessions, the more time and effort it will take to discover whether or not agreement is possible.

Positional bargaining becomes a test of will. Anger and resentment often result as one side sees itself bending to the rigid will of the other while its own legitimate concerns go unaddressed.

Unfortunately, being nice is not the answer either. In a soft negotiating game, the standard moves are to make offers and concessions, to trust the other side, to be friendly, and to yield as necessary to avoid confrontation. When sitting across the table from another soft negotiator, an agreement becomes likely. However, it may not be the wisest one. If you apply this method with a “hard” negotiator, you become vulnerable.

If neither hard nor soft negotiations are ideal, then what is the alternative? Change the game. This “new game” is called principled negotiation or negotiation on the merits. It boils down to these four basic points:

People: Separate the people from the problem
Interests: Focus on interests, not positions
Options: Invent multiple options looking for mutual gains before deciding what to do
Criteria: Insist that the result be based on some objective standard

Each of the next four chapters / posts will go into significant depth about how to leverage each of these 4 principles to “get to yes.”