Chapter Four: How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment [ARR]

Annie's Reading Room

This is the final post for "How to Win Friends... In the Digital Age" and it will focus on:

How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment

How to Lead Change Without
Resistance or Resentment

Begin on a Positive Note. We all must engage in discussions of undesirable topics from time to time. How then do we approach it? To begin on that positive note, “the praise you offer must be genuine and heartfelt, not just a tool to bide time while you compose your criticisms. Second, you must be able to create a smooth flow from point to point. Third, offer constructive advice rather than criticism following the praise.” Try using “and” to connect your praise and criticism versus the more commonly used “but.”

Acknowledge Your Baggage. “Researchers at the Institute for Health and Human Potential conducted a study of 35,000 people on the factors in their career advancement. The item found to be most linked to career advancement? Freely admitting to making mistakes...How well you own up to your mistakes makes a bigger impression than how you revel in your successes.”

Call Out Mistakes Quietly. Meaning other’s mistakes. “Sometimes the best way to correct behavior is not to openly punish the wrong behavior but to use the situation as a platform for building self-confidence and deeper connection.”

Asking Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders. The captain of a USS guided missile destroyer improved the crew’s morale by asking questions, learning about his crew, and building consensus. “Leaders are reluctant to ask questions because they don’t know what responses might result. What if the other person doesn’t head in the direction you were intending? There is no way to overcome that possibility. Instead, leaders must think about it as an opportunity rather than a risk. The answer you get may be better - likely will be better - than the one you already know.”

Mitigate Fault. Five actions to create resilience in yourself and in your organization: acknowledge that failure happens, encourage dialogue to foster trust, separate the person from the failure, learn from your mistakes, and create a risk-taking and failure system. “If you need to discuss a mistake or gaff that somebody made, it’s best to do it in person or over the phone. Save your written communication for praise and constructive advice.”

Magnify Improvement. “Praise from a manager, written thanks, and public praise were three of the top five motivators among surveyed employees...The Center for Management and Organization Effectiveness offers the following advice for praising those around you:” deliver praise from your heart and as soon as possible, make praise specific, and praise people publicly.

Give Others a Fine Reputation to Live Up To. “Act as though the trait you are trying to influence is already one of the person’s outstanding characteristics.”

Stay Connected on Common Ground. “If you consider what the other’s goals are and how to connect your goals to hers, you will create a win-win situation that will make everybody glad.”

So in conclusion, is this book worth your time to read? Yes.

I know, I know. I said I would read the books so you wouldn’t have to! But, I don’t anticipate that I will recommend that you read all of the books that I will review. For example, I have already started reading some other books and I anticipate that I will be able to select the most useful nuggets for you without recommending you consume the whole book. Not so in this case. The nuances and exemplary vignettes contained within each chapter will be worth your time, not to mention entertaining. There is a reason that Mr. Carnegie’s book has maintained its relevance for three quarters of a century.

See you back here next week when we kick off our next book: Getting to Yes! by Roger Fisher and William Ury!