New Book: Getting To Yes (You are a Negotiator) [ARR}

Annie's Reading Room

If you followed along with my previous posts about How to Win Friends and Influence People, you may remember that the book was first published in 1936, making it an “oldie but goodie.” This next book, Getting to Yes, also remains a classic, despite

its first publication date of 1981.

You are a Negotiator

The book begins with a notion that may strike you as unique -- You are a negotiator. Negotiation is a fact of life. Don’t look, but you may be negotiating right now! Even though we all are (sometimes unknowing) negotiators, people differ, and they use negotiation to handle their differences.

People usually only see two options when negotiating: to negotiate soft or hard. The soft negotiator wants to avoid personal conflict and so makes concessions readily to reach agreement. He or she wants an amicable resolution, yet often ends up exploited and bitter. The hard negotiator sees any situation as a contest of wills in which the side that takes the more extreme positions and holds out longer fares better. He or she wants to win; yet often ends up producing an equally hard response that exhausts the negotiator and his or her resources and harms the relationship on the other side. Do either of these sound familiar to you?

There is however, a third method, and that is what this book is all about. The third method is principled negotiation -- to decide issues on their merits. It suggests that you look for mutual gains whenever possible, and that where your interests conflict, you should insist that the result be based on some fair standards independent of the will of either side. The method of principled negotiation is hard on the merits, soft on the people.

And I think this is pretty great. Even “if the other side learns this one [principled negotiation], it does not become more difficult to use; it becomes easier.” In other words, if the person you are negotiating with has read this book, all the better.

Next week we will review why bargaining over position promotes poor relationships, is inefficient, and rarely results in a wise agreement.