Separate the People from the Problem: Emotion [ARR]

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Last week, we reviewed some strategies to mitigate challenges that may be associated with perception when separating the people from the problem. This week we move onwards to emotion, an inevitable component of interacting with another human, but one that can make negotiation quite tricky.

Emotion

People often come to a negotiation realizing that the stakes are high and feeling threatened. As you probably already know first-hand, emotions on one side will generate emotions on the other.

First recognize and understand emotions, theirs, and yours. “In dealing with negotiators who represent organizations, it is easy to treat them as mere mouthpieces without emotions. It is important to remember that they too, like you, have personal feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams. Their careers may be at stake.” Assess why you and they are producing the expressed emotions.

Separate the People from the Problem:
Emotion

Pay attention to “core concerns.” Many emotions in negotiation are driven by a core set of five interests:

·         Autonomy: the desire to make your own choices and control your own fate

·         Appreciation: the desire to be recognized and valued

·         Affiliation: the desire to be an accepted member of some peer group

·         Role: the desire to have a meaningful purpose

·         Status: the desire to feel fairly seen and acknowledged.

Trampling on these interests tend to generate strong negative emotions. Attending to them can build rapport and a positive climate for problem-solving negotiation.

Consider the role of identity. “If you feel that you have unexpectedly stepped on a land mine in your conversation, think about whether they might be experiencing a threat to their identity from something you have said. Similarly, if you find yourself feeling off-balance and emotional, ask yourself if your sense of identity feels threatened.”

Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate. “Freed from the burden of unexpressed emotions, people will become more likely to work on the problem.”

Allow the other side to let off steam. Although challenging, the best strategy to adopt while the other side lets off steam is to listen quietly without responding to their attacks, and occasionally to ask the speaker to continue until he has spoken his last word. In this way, you offer little support to the inflammatory substance, give the speaker every encouragement to speak himself out, and leave little or no residue to fester.

Don’t react to emotional outbursts. One approach that was used successfully during 1950’s steel industry labor negotiations, was that only one person could be mad at a time.

Use symbolic gestures. A meal together, a small gift, a handshake, or an apology (even if you do not admit personal responsibility) can diffuse intense emotions.

Next week we will wrap up this chapter with the most critical element of negotiation: .

Communication