Annie's Reading Room
Negotiators are people first. “Whatever else you are doing
at any point during a negotiation, from preparation to follow-up, it is worth
asking yourself: Am I paying enough attention to the people problem?”
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| Separate the People from the Problem: Perception |
Every negotiator has two kinds of interests: in the
substance and in the relationship.
In most negotiations, the ongoing relationship is far more
important than the outcome of any particular negotiation. The problem is, “a
major consequence of the “people problem” in negotiation is that the parties’
relationship tends to become entangled with their discussions of substance.”
“Deal with people
problems by changing how you treat people; don’t try to solve them with
substantiative concerns….To deal with psychological problems, use psychological
techniques.”
The people problems all fall into one of three baskets: Perception, Emotion, and Communication.
“The techniques that follow apply equally well to your [self] people problems as well as to those of the other side.”
Perception
-“Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a
useful activity that will help you solve your problem. Their thinking is the problem. “
-“As useful as objective reality can be, it is ultimately the
reality as each side sees it that constitutes the problem in a negotiation and
opens the way to a solution.”
Here are some of those psychological techniques that were
alluded to above to help you separate the people from the problem:
Put yourself in their
shoes. “It is not enough to know that
they see things differently. If you want to influence them, you also need to
understand empathically the power of their point of view and to feel the
emotional force with which they believe in it. Understanding their point of
view is not the same as agreeing with it. It is true that a better
understanding of their thinking may lead you to revise your own views about the
merits of a situation. But that is not a cost
of understanding their point of view, it is a benefit. It allows you to reduce the area of conflict, and it also
helps you advance your newly enlightened self-interest.
Don’t deduce their
intentions from your fears. “The cost of interpreting whatever they say or
do in its most dismal light is that fresh ideas in the direction of agreement
are spurned, and subtle changes of position are ignored or rejected.”
Don’t blame them for
your problem. Even if blaming is
justified, it is usually counterproductive. Under attack, the other side will
become defensive and will resist what you have to say. Assessing blame firmly
entangles the people with the problem.
Discuss each other’s
perceptions. Have a discussion where you explicitly address perceptions.
Don’t underestimate those things that you might deem “unimportant” or
irrelevant to the conversation. “To the contrary, communicating loudly and
convincingly the things you are willing to say that they would like to hear can
be one of the best investments you as a negotiator can make.”
Look for opportunities
to act inconsistently with their perceptions. Pretty simple – do something
different than what they would expect of you.
Give them a stake in
the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. If they are not
involved in the process, they are unlikely to approve the product. It’s that
simple. “Even if the terms of the agreement seem favorable, the other side may
reject them simply out of suspicion born of their exclusion from the drafting
process. Agreement becomes much easier if both parties feel ownership of the
ideas. To give the other side a feeling
of participation, get them involved early. Ask their advice. In a sense, the
process IS the product.
Face-saving: Make your
proposals consistent with their values.
“Often in a negotiation, people will continue to hold out not because
the proposal on the table is inherently unacceptable, but simply because they
want to avoid the feeling or the appearance of backing down to the other side.
If the substance can be phrased or conceptualized differently so that it seems
a fair outcome, they will accept it.
Next week we will
continue separating the people from the problem by teasing out emotion and
communication.
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