Annie's Reading Room
Communication
Obviously, communication is the driving force of
negotiation. Without communication, the wheels fall off and you are stuck.
However important, there are also three potential problems you could run into
with communication.
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| Separate the People from the Problem: Communication |
“First, negotiators may not be talking to each other, or at
least not in such a way as to be understood. Instead they talk merely to
impress third parties or their own constituency.”
Second, “even if you are talking directly and clearly to
them [the other party], they may not be hearing you.” I can relate to this
certainly. Sometimes I am so busy thinking about my response that I tune out
the other person’s final points.
“The third communication problem is misunderstanding. What
one says, the other may misinterpret.”
“What can be done about these three problems of
communication?”
Listen actively and
acknowledge what is being said. Listening and listening well are two
different things. Admittedly, “it is difficult to listen well, especially under
the stress of an ongoing negotiation. If you pay attention and interrupt
occasionally to say, “Did I understand correctly that you are saying that…?”
the other side will realize that they are not just killing time, not just going
through a routine.” And “as you repeat wheat you understood them to have said,
phrase it positively from their point of view. You might say, “You have a
strong case. Let me see if I can explain it. Here’s the way it strikes me…” And
don’t worry -- understanding is not necessarily agreeing.
Speak to be understood.
Try putting yourself in the role of a judge, and the person sitting across from
you in the negotiation is also a judge. You are trying to work out a joint
opinion. To avoid complication, don’t have too many people in the judge’s chamber.
Limiting the size of the group meeting to only one representative per
participating side can reduce distractions.
Speak about yourself,
not about them. Even if reacting to something they said, start your
sentence with “We/I feel.” “You convey the same information without provoking a
defensive reaction that will prevent them from taking it in.”
Speak for a purpose.
Some things are better left unsaid. “Before making a significant statement,
know what you want to communicate or find out, and know what purpose this
information will serve.”
Prevention works best
“The best time for handling people problems is before they
become people problems.”
Build a working
relationship. “The time to develop a relationship is before the negotiation
begins. Get to know them and find out about their likes and dislikes. Find ways
to meet them informally.”
Face the problem, not
the people. Think of your fellow
negotiator as a partner “in a hard-headed, side-by-side search for a fair agreement
advantageous to each.” It helps to sit literally on the same side of a table.
Like any challenging task, “separating the people from the
problem is not something you can do once and forget about; you have to keep
working at it. The basic approach is to deal with the people as human beings
and with the problem on its merits.”
How to do that will be the subject of next week’s post!
Happy Fourth of July!
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