Annie's Reading Room If you followed along with my previous posts about How to Win Friends and Influence People , you may remember that the book was first published in 1936, making it an “oldie but goodie.” This next book, Getting to Yes , also remains a classic, despite its first publication date of 1981. You are a Negotiator The book begins with a notion that may strike you as unique -- You are a negotiator. Negotiation is a fact of life. Don’t look, but you may be negotiating right now! Even though we all are (sometimes unknowing) negotiators, people differ, and they use negotiation to handle their differences. People usually only see two options when negotiating: to negotiate soft or hard. The soft negotiator wants to avoid personal conflict and so makes concessions readily to reach agreement. He or she wants an amicable resolution, yet often ends up exploited and bitter. The hard negotiator sees any situation as a contest of wills in which the side that tak

Annie's Reading Room This is the final post for "How to Win Friends... In the Digital Age" and it will focus on: How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment Begin on a Positive Note . We all must engage in discussions of undesirable topics from time to time. How then do we approach it? To begin on that positive note, “the praise you offer must be genuine and heartfelt, not just a tool to bide time while you compose your criticisms. Second, you must be able to create a smooth flow from point to point. Third, offer constructive advice rather than criticism following the praise.” Try using “and” to connect your praise and criticism versus the more commonly used “but.” Acknowledge Your Baggage . “Researchers at the Institute for Health and Human Potential conducted a study of 35,000 people on the factors in their career advancement. The item found to be most linked to career advancement? Fr

Annie's Reading Room Continuing on from last week, here are 5 more ways to Merit and Maintain Other’s Trust in addition to these first five: ·          Avoid Arguments ·          Never Say, “You’re Wrong” ·          Admit Faults Quickly and Emphatically ·          Begin in a Friendly Way ·          Access Affinity Surrender the Credit . Careful though – this can’t be conducted with false humility. “The principle suggested here is born not of attention-seeking activity but rather of a supreme confidence that you are a far better person when those around you know that they play an important role not only in a collaborative success but also in your personal success. Success isn’t about attention and accolades. It’s about partnership and progress.” Engage with Empathy . “Empathy is not a networking tactic to be learned and leveraged; it is a link to immediate affluence in human relations.” Appeal to Noble Motives . “Such an approach does m

Annie's Reading Room So let’s pretend that you have now applied the Six Ways to Make an Impression and have gotten people’s attention. Now you have to develop the relationship, and even more importantly, their trust in you. Part Three reviews How to Merit and Maintain Others’ Trust . Once again, there are 10 strategies, but let’s focus on the first five.  How to Merit and Maintain Others' Trust Avoid Arguments. “Humorist Dave Barry made this point quite well when he said, “I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.” Being more concerned about being right all of the time may leave you with a lot of free Friday nights. This isn’t to say you can’t engage in lively debate, but don’t “discard the notion that others have inner wisdom that ought to be heard.” Never Say, “You’r

Annie's Reading Room Last week, I revealed the first three of six ways to make a lasting impression. In summary, they were: Take Interest in Others’ Interests Smile Reign with Names And now as promised, here are the remaining three! Listen Longer . In 2009, United Airlines broke a passenger’s guitar. They did not reimburse him for the cost of the damage, even after a year of phone calls and requests. As a result, the passenger wrote a song about United’s poor customer service and posted it on Youtube . As the song reached 4 million views (now at 13 million!), United’s stock plunged by 10%. Listening has the power to give people what they most desire - “to be heard and understood.” After all, “who can resist being around a person who suspends his thoughts in order to value yours?” So, how to begin really listening? Set a goal to ask 15 thoughtful questions of others per day - at least 5 being directed towards your family and close friends, the next 5 toward